Power/ Control Issues in Children: Overlooked Reasons

Important preface: There are many factors and contributors to this kind of behavior. Today I am only discussing A FEW possible angles. If this doesn’t seem like a “match” for your child, it might not be.

There are many other avenues to explore, but they are out of scope for what I’m writing. That, however, does not mean they aren’t valid.

ONE: BIRTH OR PRE-VERBAL TRAUMA, INITIAL NERVOUS SYSTEM IMPRINTS

One of the most overlooked reasons for control/power issues in children is an experience of not having control or power at one or multiple critical junctures when they were very little - from birth all the way through pre-verbal infancy even through the present day.

Common examples range from a C-section birth (it was not time to leave the womb yet!) to sleep training as a pre-verbal child (I want to go find mommy but I can’t and she won’t come!) but these are certainly not exhaustive. It could even be something so innocuous as a child not being allowed to choose what/when they eat.

Once a child experiences a “personal threshold” of not having power or control, they might respond through becoming very controlling or clingy (controlling of the parent) and/or through engaging in power struggles or power plays.

Here it is critical to work with a professional around helping your child reorganize and integrate the experience(s) in a way where they are empowered. It is ALSO critical for the parent to work through any shame, guilt or self-blame they carry - the parent must ALSO reorganize the story.

TWO: LINEAGE, EPIGENETICS, FAMILY ENERGETICS + HISTORY

Another overlooked reason for control/power issues in a child is a “disempowered family field” (via Annie Brook). When the family lore or the family lineage has stories/beliefs about being a victim, being controlled, being powerless, the child (children are very porous and receptive energetically) can begin to take this on and act it out.

Here it is critical to bring these patterns to light and begin to consciously try to update them. Again, a practitioner can help facilitate this process, which can feel very uncomfortable - even unsafe - to the psyches of the family.

MORE:

A third reason (which I teach on at length in this course) is high autonomy or power needs for that child or that the parent is actually projecting onto the child.

Astrology and Human Design help clarify:

If you are a client of mine, I also check your and your child’s astrology and Human Design for “signatures” around this being a potential pattern and for more precision around its “roots” and how exactly it fruits/flowers in relationships and reality.

*** I work very differently from most astrologers and analysts! ***

Access to this awareness brings immediate spaciousness + generally also spontaneously increases capacity, but we are also able to tailor strategies and skills extremely effectively and efficiently.