example of memory reconsolidation/coherence therapy self coaching
I was just doing some work around my "psychological floor" and "emotional knowings" (ht to Juliane Taylor Shore for these phrases) around money.
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One of the fears that came up is that: if I have lots of money, I won't share, and then there will be tangible/irrefutable proof that I'm bad and miserly.
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And then, my beautiful heart-mind reminded me of how, when I did have lots of money, how I actually gave my co-parent money to pay for some of his legal costs when we were getting divorced. In the middle of when I loathed him the most, I gave him thousands.
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And it reminded me of, how I loaned a dear friend tens of thousands of dollars, and there was a moment in time where I thought they wouldn't pay me back (they did), but in the moment where I thought they wouldn't/couldn't, I still chose our friendship. I let the money not matter.
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And how during 2020, a time where I was sure my income would come to a screeching halt, I donated to multiple organizations and non-profits, giving. Giving, giving. Over and over. (And...still feeling guilty I wasn't giving enough, as I now recall.)
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It's interesting, because when I think of money, I think my main limiting belief is more around being "helpless" rather than "worthless" (ht to Carolyn Elliott and her crew for the framing of the 3 root limiting beliefs of: I'm helpless, it's hopeless, I'm worthless).
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But this particular belief is around not helplessness but worthlessness. I can't be trusted to be generous with money.
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And yet, I've just shared examples of when I was generous. With loved ones, with foes, with strangers.
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In this moment, this emotional knowing is updating.
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It *is* possible to retile/repave/renovate our psychological floor.
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How do I know this belief is *truly* updating?
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A few things: I was surprised by this belief when I named it (that's a sign it's part of the floor). It felt magical to disprove it. I made sure to sit with the disproving for a while. To keep showing my brain the mismatch. I feel it in my body. (Embodied activation) Both the angst of being bad, and the sureness of my goodness. I felt giddy, I cried, now I feel a little dizzy/lightheaded. (Somatic signs)
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These are signs of therapeutic memory reconsolidation (the amazing recent discovery that the brain CAN/DOES update in this way) and as someone trained in this modality, I was able to create and hold this container for myself. For the next few hours, I will continue to visit the mismatch and continue to ground into my new awareness.
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When we shift our emotional knowings, we shift how we perceive reality. Literally, neurologically.
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As in, when our prefrontal cortex is processing the here/now, it is ALWAYS mixing in relevant implicit memory.
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Update an emotional knowing, and you've changed the implicit memory that reality is getting filtered through *before* your brain hands it to you and says: this is simply what you're seeing/experiencing.
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Yup - the raw data gets tainted by history and then the brain presents it to us as "still raw." (I hope I'm blowing your mind right now lol)
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For the first time ever, the money work I'm doing feels powerful, potentiated, fun, surprising. I'm not just trying to feel more abundant or change my thoughts to manifest (insert fifty thousand gigantic eye rolls). I'm working with myself in an intimate, precise, self-centric (the opposite of general), and skilled way. It feels so different.
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