parenting is confronting our fear of our own children

One of the trickier things to become conscious of as parents is: where are we afraid of our children? (No one told us parenting would mean fearing our kids. But it does, and we do.)

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Are we afraid of their behaviors? (Society will judge them. AND US. They'll become homeless. An addict.)

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Are we afraid of their feelings? (We were taught sadness is weak. We were taught sadness is something to be immediately fixed. We were taught sadness is something to avoid. We were taught anger is dangerous. We were taught anger is wrong.)

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Are we afraid of their energy? Their bigness? Their wildness? (We were taught to keep ourselves small. That visibility was dangerous. That taking up space was arrogant. That big energy is absolutely unacceptable, dangerous, to be shut down at all costs.)

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Are we afraid of their LACK OF FEAR? (They will unalive themselves. They will embarrass themselves. They will bring upon themselves terrifying consequences.)

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Are we afraid of their trust in and dependence on us? (I will fail them. I will fail and failure is so bad.)

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Parenting can be - no, it definitely, unavoidably IS - a sacred invitation. An assignment. An initiation.

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I get why we resist. Why we regret. That's normal. It really is so normal to want to return them to the store. Allow that. Let yourself have that. Let that be ok, let that be unshamed. In this world? In this culture? Humans being what they are, emotionally, biologically, etc.? I'd honestly be really surprised if there wasn't moments of regret.

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And also, something has opened up. Something is waiting for us to step into. A threshold, a widening. A treacherous quest, a rebirth. Furiously difficult, especially in the malefic landscape of this culture, this time to be alive.

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Can I walk by your side? I'd like to help you. Help you to follow this thread of what parenting can awake, heal, hold, help, expand, question inside you. Help you walk this labyrinth of being made, unmade, expanded, destroyed, tortured, saved, etc., et. al., because you made a human.

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It is a tangled thread. And we can set our fingers to the knots.