there is latent power in how we relate to the past
It wouldn't be so hard to keep trying again and anew and afresh, if we didn't keep dredging up the story of how many times in the past we've failed.
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I think it wouldn't be nearly so hard to stay present, if we didn't keep dirtying the cleanness of the present with the past.
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If we are someone who begins to figure out how to let the past be the past, there is latent power there.
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There is so much latent power in us. I actually think I want to do a workshop around all the low hanging fruit of coming into our inherent, basic, unalienable power.
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I think this is especially true with parents. There might come a time where we've failed *so many times* (at not raising our voice, at not losing our shit, at not getting triggered, etc) that it feels foolish to expect different results, to keep trying to do "better."
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We may want to give up, we may feel exhausted, we may feel shame. We may surrender fully to the pattern.
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Part of this is the unconscious story we have around our expectation and attachment to effort equaling some kind of outcome, or amount of attempts equaling some kind of mastery.
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These are just stories and there is no reason for them to be true.
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AND ALSO, I am not invalidating your expectation and attachment. I want to know more about it. I want to ask it lots of questions with curiosity and compassion.
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Parents, especially, have a unique relationship with the past. It might hold a lot of answers and freedom, and it can also be the heaviest burden.
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In the same way maybe the secret to all of life is to improve relational skill - with ourselves and with others, the secret is to improve relational skill with the past, which is really just a part (lots of parts) of ourselves.
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Holding compassion and curiosity for our failures (were they really failures?) and holding hope for a present that changes AS SOON AS our relationship with the past does.
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Neurologically, our past always informs our present. So, we must relate to the past in a skillful way, as it has an immediate impact on our present.
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This is maybe bad news to some, but hopefully also really good news. We can't change what happened in the past, but we can absolutely change the stories we make up about it, the lessons that we internalize from it, the feelings that we associate with it.
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Playing with the concept of beginner's mind, what comes up for you when you imagine being able to enter this state cleanly and coherently, instead of through self-coercion or self-denial?
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As a parent, what part of your past as a parent feels most troubling to present you? And what part of your past *as a child* feels most relevant to this?
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If these are helpful musings, great. If not, also great. Your wisdom comes first, always.
