Client: I feel as though I’m constantly at war with myself.

Celestyna: that does make a lot of sense given your chart - here's what I'm seeing - your dominant elements are Fire and Earth, and there is a polarity between these two elements, - fire is quick and trust the self and inner knowing, earth is slow and needs external, tangible proof. So that’s a fundamental tension right there.

Your planet of action and self assertion and your planet of discovering and radiating self-hood have very little in common as well. Life can get a little trickier, things can feel more scattered, there can be less motivation/progress when Mars and the Sun don't have a commonality in them, because ideally they share a common goal - the unfolding of the self, the consciousness, the unique identity that is yours and yours alone.

There's parts of you that are very dreamy and diffuse, that would like nothing more than to leave the mundane world behind and just dissolve into a fantasy or music or art, but there are also parts of you that are very determined, action-oriented and curious about your unfolding life and what it holds.

There is a similar tension in seeing conflict as necessary but also wanting very much to avoid it, like it makes you too exposed and vulnerable. If you don’t self-assert you feel very diminished almost on a soul-level, but if you do, it’s almost like: was the stress of the conflict even worth standing up for yourself?

There is anxiety around the axis of being self-centered and self-less. A part of you very much wants to be self-absorbed (not in a pathological way, but you're drawn to figuring yourself out, expressing yourself, and discovering how you work and how you fit into the world) but there are other parts of you that make that feel wrong, or even unavailable, or somehow that’s being restricted, and that causes pain.

And there are parts of you that don't feel comfortable with being visible, and shining, and bold - they want to hide away and work at becoming you in private, and feel like there's a lot of tweaking to do before it is ok to show yourself. In fact, there are times you feel like you need a break from the world, and solitude just to recharge your energy.

Then there's a big lesson around boundaries for you - some parts of you set them in a very ham-fisted aggressive way, and other parts of you have no idea how or even no desire to set them at all, you sometimes like the idea of total enmeshment, especially in relationship. But you also very much need to be independent and not told what to do, and allowed to assert yourself in relationship. In relationship, it is very important to you that you are both independent individuals. There is a sense that you are learning how to be in relationship through this lifetime - learning the subtleties of being true to yourself and your will but also making space for others. There are not only relationship lessons, but also simply relational paradoxes (wanting both a deep closeness and a deep independence) that you will need to learn to allow and hold. Finally, a lesson around skill around your feelings and emotions - practicing naming them, and getting clear on where they are coming from - are they yours or are you picking them up from an external person or situation? It can be hard to express how you're feeling in words - it may be easier to do by sharing a song, or something similar.

Client: reading this almost brought tears to my eyes. Not to be dramatic but I really can’t express how I’m feeling and music is what truly resonates with me. Are my issues really worth the consequences of addressing? Am I wrong for wanting to be treated better then? Why do I second guess myself? I’ll be honest I sometimes think I’m two different people. The sad part is, I don’t even know why I’m upset half the time either. Once I started getting into astrology I almost instantly saw it. So much inner tension.

Celestyna: the not knowing why you're upset half the time is your Pisces moon - that's something where just becoming conscious of how susceptible you are to the ambient emotions and all the emotions just floating in the air and being transmitted by other people is helpful because then you can begin to work with the circumstances more skillfully. Pisces is so deeply, instinctively, and intuitively feeling that it can be hard to separate your own feelings out of the ocean of feelings. I would say having a process of cleansing yourself from feelings that you may have picked up - listening to music, exercising, journaling, or something. But then part 2, very critical, after the "cleansing" is checking in with yourself and building the discernment and vocabulary of owning and clarifying how you yourself are feeling, as a self. Maybe through writing, music, art, or therapy, or something - play around with modalities and ways of accessing your own feelings and figuring out how to be able to trust that they are your own. This is definitely skill building for Pisces, so don't get frustrated or be too hard on yourself.

Client: Thank you so much. Great reading!